Workplace Violence is Good

When I see wasps I’m a trained assassin

So I’m sitting at work on Thursday, just hacking away on my keyboard and out of the corner of my eye I see something moving. I look up, turn my head and see a wasp walking across the top of one of the walls of my cube.

If you know me you know I truly enjoy hunting down and killing pests. Flies are probably my favorite, but bees and wasps are a close second. I quickly look around to see if I have a magazine, towel or shirt that I can use to eliminate my prey.

I find a crappy trade magazine that I’m never going to read sitting on my desk. I roll it up and the hunt is on! As I’m winding up to bash the wasp he decides to bolt. He doesn’t go fast nor far. DGTFB!

I see him hovering and I decide I’m going to bat him out of the air. I swat at him and I make contact. I look around… time to go into tracking mode and find his body. It only takes a couple of seconds as he’s moving on the floor. Stunned, but not dead. Not yet anyway.

I take a couple of steps and decide to end him before he can get back in the air and go into attack mode. I must have been making stalking sounds as one of my coworkers got out of his chair to see what was happening. From here it’s all down hill for the wasp. I stomp him and laugh. I take my foot off of his throat to see if he’s still alive. He is… still moving. I decide to end it now and stomp him a couple of times. Yes, dead.

It’s been a good day at work.